Pick-a-phrase...

1 Timothy 3

So, I actually have some more frustrations with how this passage is generally applied in our church. We say that 1 Timothy 3 contains the qualifications for an elder and a deacon but we don't apply all the qualifications equally. We insist on certain ones but overlook others (are all our elders hospitable? are all our elders able to teach? do all their children obey them with proper respect? do all of them have wives that are not gossips or malicious talkers?).
My goal is to look for Jesus in each section of Scripture that I read. I confess that he is difficult to find in this passage. I think the principle of the passage is that there should be order and decency in the church which would reflect that there was a sense of decency and possibly calmness about Jesus - he was not given to chaos (although the driving out the money changers would have been a bit frightening!).

Gentleman's Club?

1 Timothy 3

I think that we're a little bit inconsistent. We take the phrase "husband of one wife" in 3:2 (overseers or bishops or, in our case, elders) literally but not in 3:12 (deacons) because in Romans 16:1 we find a female deaconess (who couldn't be the husband of but one wife unless the church was in favour of same sex marriage...).
The argument I've heard goes like this: a woman cannot be an elder (overseer, bishop) because the phrase "the husband of but one wife" indicates that this role can only be filled by a man. But a woman can be a deacon(ess) because we find an example of one in the Bible even though Paul uses the exact same phrase in regards to deacons just 10 verses later.
Doesn't this indicate further that Ephesus was a special case because it was a sick church that needed special rules in order for it to become healthy again?